Weight Gain Alert! I have now gained 0.4 pound in the last week. Truth be known...I ate everything I wanted. I justified it by the fact that I had been sick and just needed to eat whatever sounded good. Although there is some truth to this, I still should have fought the urge to eat anything I wanted. Sigh... Well, the good thing about Weight Watchers is, every week is a fresh start. I am ready to put last week behind me and focus on a new healthier week! I say all of this after I ate an entire cinnamon roll from Panera last night. Small battles...small battles.
FAITHFULNESS
This week, I have been working on faith. Faith seems, to me, to be one of aspects of life that are hard to describe. I have faith that the dog will not pee on the floor while I am out running errands. I have faith that my child will be in a good mood after naptime. I have faith that my husband will come home to me every evening. I found my faith questioned this week though when it came to something bigger.
My mother had surgery this week to replace a hip. To those of you who know my family well, you know that on her left hip, she has had a replacement and two revisions due to a "part malfunction." You know that each surgery really took its toll on our family and that the this eventually gave way to a breast cancer diagnosis, double mastectomy, multiple reconstructive surgeries and a knee replacement in the last few years. Needless to say, when it comes to my mother's health and safety... faith is something that I have to work hard at maintaining. This past week, I could hardly shake the fear that things were not going to go as planned. I began to notice that all of my prayers involved phrases like "please just let her get through this and be okay," or "please don't let her die on the operating table," or "please just help this all to go smoothly and not be followed by 5 more surgeries." All of my prayers were fear-based. I grew weary of my own fearful prayers.
Where did my faith go? Why was I so scared? This time, things just felt a little different. She was so optimistic about the outcome. She was just sure they would be able to correct some of her leg problems and she would be able to walk so much better. With a big smile on her face, my mother told everyone how she felt like this was really going to help improve her quality of life. As I watched her holding Ericka the day before surgery, I could tell there was just a slight fear on her part too. How could there not be??? Although she had all of the faith in the world that things were going to go smoothly, she knew it would be another tough recovery road back.
As I left her house the day before surgery, I began to pray again for my mother's surgery again. As I prayed, it dawned on me that I was praying for all of the wrong things. Instead of praying out of fear, I began thanking God for my mother. For the amazing person she is and the impact she has had on my life, as well as countless others. I began praying that God would work through the doctor's hands to make my mom's quality of life extrordinary. Also, I prayed that I have more faith and the ability to rest easily in that faith.
That night, I slept better than I had in a while. The day waiting at the hospital for surgery results was a really good one spent playing with Ericka and my father. She did well in surgery yesterday and is now recovering comfortably. Although it will still be a long road to recovery...I am faithful that it will not be as rough as the last hip replacement.
I am so thankful to have faith. I am thankful to have it tested from time to time so that I may learn to be more faithful. Without faith, I am not sure where life would take me...and I am not sure I would ever want to find out.
Morel of the story.... Never be afraid to have your faith tested. You just might find out you are stronger than you thought.
