"Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful."This was said while she was reflecting on her own life's ups and downs, and battling Multiple Sclerosis. I tend to think it is a great anthem for life. Imperfections and all, this is your life. Make the most out of every moment.
Hello everyone. I am new to this, so please bare with me... As I am sure MY MOM is the only person who will read this first post, it is still an important step to me to get this all out on the table. Let me introduce myself:
Who Am I?
I am Annie. A mother to an adorable one year old, wife to an amazing man, housekeeper, errand runner, party planner, social director and family member to both the Fawcett and Hartwig clans. None of these titles ACTUALLY answer that question! That is who I am to everyone else in my family, but as for me.... That is a question that is so difficult to answer.
I wanted to use this forum to answer that question, as I know there are many moms that are out there feeling the same way I do. This past week, I started to really ask myself... "who am I?"
Like most moms, I have become so involved with my own family, that I have almost lost the essence of who I am. Please do not misunderstand...I have the most amazing life and I am so proud to get to lead it, but why can't I seem to be happy?
A Little Background:
After I had Ericka, my life changed drastically. There are no words to express just how a child changes you for both the better and best. Holding her for the first time, I began to see my mother in a whole new light. To bring a child into this world is no easy task! Pregnancy, morning sickness, labor, post-pardom recovery, lack of sleep, etc...it is quite a big deal to have a child. Even though it was difficult, Ericka has made us so happy, it is impossible to put into words.
After a year of changing diapers, working around naptimes, breastfeeding, colds, feeding schedules, etc. I started to slowly turn into this "frump girl" mom. You know who I am talking about, that girl you see at Walmart and you are like "what happened to her? Who wears their sweats and houseshoes to go shopping?" You know, the girl who never dresses up, never does her hair, wears makeup, or even wears perfume. I eat what I can when I have a break, drink what I can when I am so thirsty I cannot stand it...and am lucky to get a shower in the evening after everyone has gone to sleep! Yeah, I said it. Even a shower is hard to grab these days. On top of it all, I had started to gain a tremenous amount of weight that I was less than proud of. Over the course of a year, I had lost myself.
In my previous professional life, I have always specialized in planning and organizing. I can walk into almost any situation and turn it into an organizational dream...yet I can't even handle keeping myself together while taking care of a baby, husband, two cats, a dog and a house. Most women can do this while working a full time job! I started to wonder if there were other moms that felt like me out there.... DISCOMBOBULATED!
One night, Danny and I were talking after Ericka had gone to bed. What he said really made me start to rethink the way I was taking care of myself. He had said to me that he was afraid that I was taking no time for myself. I explained my day to day activities and how the only time to myself was spent working on my list of things to do for the next day. Tearful, I told him even finding the time to work out felt almost impossible because if I had a spare moment, I just want to crash and eat something. Being the most amazing husband that he is, he was quick to tell me that he wanted me to take some time just for me. Go see a movie with my girlfriends, get a pedicure, do brunch on Saturdays, take a long bath in the evenings...just find some therepudic way to relieve the stress of life.
Fastforward to This Week:
Sunday, while I was making my list of things to do and groceries for Monday, it dawned on me. I am the only person that is keeping me in this stressed out place in life. I am my own worst enemy. I am the person that is eating unhealthy, the reason that I have gained weight, the reason that I don't fix up and look nice. I am the reason for everything. I cannot blame my child or busy life anymore for the things I am unhappy with.
Well, that is changing! Today is a new start for me and I am jumping in. Well, a little at a time. What to change first?
EATING HABITS! I had already joined Weight Watchers, but had not been attending regularly. I am not super overweight, but by losing a few pounds, I am hoping to gain a some of the confidence that I have lost. Weight Watchers was also encouraging participation in the Dr. Oz Tranformation Nation, which I have also signed up for. Feel free to take the test, it is a good eye opener!
Feel free to follow along on this journey, as I have no idea where it is headed. Consider it to be a diary of an overweight, overworked, frumpy mom who is in desperate need of some changes. Thanks for your time and tune in later this week to see if I follow through!
**I usually keep all of this in a private journal, but I thought if I actually post if publically, maybe I will follow through with some changes. Accountability will make you follow through with things that you never thought you could do before.**
Here's the thing, though... working mamas are just as behind! Yeah, I HAVE to get up, dressed, and made up every day.. but, the life gets sucked out of me daily, too. I think the most important thing I've learned and had to really bash into my stubborn head is "don't worry about tomorrow, it will take care of itself." For me, that translates to.. if you have a bit of free time, take it to relax and clear your brain. You can't take care of others until you care for yourself. All we have is now.. this very second.
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